I used to wonder why it is called borderline personality disorder— until my symptoms got worse and I had to find the answer through the worst possible way.
It literally feels like you’re standing on the borderline between emotional and mental instability. Some days, you struggle to make sure that you’re still sane; on other days, it feels like you’re not, like you barely have control anymore. Then you get better for a few days and think that maybe you were just over-analyzing it before, and soon enough you’re back to your nightly sanity checks.
Being a borderline is a nightmare, because how you feel about everything — friends, school, life, even yourself— is just so unstable.
You find it so hard to trust completely. You’re always needled by the thought that people would only ever befriend you for when they’ll be needing something. You often wonder if your closest friends keep up with you because they actually like you, or because they see you as an investment for when they’ll be needing help. You try to kill this untrusting side of you, but you just can’t help slipping back. And so you shut people out, even friends, until you realize over and over that you actually need them more.